TRUTH IN SATIRE--Reports out of Washington on Monday suggest that Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric Trump will flip on their father in the next few days in exchange for clemency in the sentencing phase of the Mueller probe.
“My clients have decided that, for the good of the country, they will cooperate with special counsel Robert Mueller in the obstruction of justice case against their father, President Donald Trump,” announced Morris Chilton, a lawyer who is representing all three Trump scions. “My clients are able to produce evidence to investigators that incriminates their father in no less than six impeachable crimes.”
Mr. Chilton said that the Trump siblings have agreed, in part, to reveal the location of a secret family vault containing promissory notes for $2.3 billion signed by Donald Trump with Vladimir Putin as the assignee.
The vault also holds receipts for millions of dollars in hush money payments to a variety of hookers, erotic dancers, centerfold models, nannies, restaurant hostesses, beauty pageant contestants, and Dairy Queen ice cream servers.
Finally, Mr. Chilton says that the children have copies of forged immigration documents for two of President Trump’s foreign-born wives, Ivana and Melania. There are also phony documents for two future wives, yet to be named, also from Eastern European countries.
In a surprising revelation, Mr. Chilton indicated that the three siblings are also in negotiations with the Justice Department to have the Trump family name struck from their birth certificates. The request was made to help them shield their identities once they enter the federal witness protection program.
In a statement released through their lawyer’s office late Monday, Don Jr., Ivanka and Eric had this to say: “It is not easy to betray our father who has given us everything but stabbing him in the back is made much easier by the fact that we are young, all have families, and prefer freedom to imprisonment.
In addition, our father has spent most of his life dealing with thugs, mobsters, and other hardened criminals and incarceration will be much easier for him to bear than it would be for us. Finally, as patriots, we believe that our father’s presidency needs to be stopped before America is auctioned off to foreign interests and our entire family fortune is tied up in the courts for decades. We take some solace in knowing that Daddy would approve of our unqualified self-interest in acting as we are today.”
The betrayal by the three Trump children, in addition to a predicted flip by the president’s personal lawyer and fixer, Michael Cohen, should seal the fate of Mr. Trump and doom his presidency. But sources close to Robert Mueller say that he will not rest until he gets Melania to sell out her husband, too.
(Allen Ishac writes Truth in satire and has been a Medium member since Apr 2017. I read. I write. I ride. I rest. I RESIST! Posted earlier on Medium.)