New Law for Kansas Cops: No More Sex on Traffic Stops

1) A new Kansas law makes it a crime for police to have sex with people they pull over for traffic violations or detain in criminal investigations.One would have thought that was already illegal. Not so. In fact, in 33 states consensual sex between the detained and the detainee wasn't a crime. I suppose, prior to passing this law, some negotiation could result in reckless driving becoming failure to come to a complete stop. 

2) There was a federal budget surplus record set for April.When asked about this surplus, several members of Congress, who shouldn't remain nameless but are insisting they do, for obvious reasons, said, "While the surplus is great we can blow that surplus in real short order."

3) Geoff Randle had something horrific happen to him recently.
Geoff, who is confined to bed due to his weighing in excess of 500 lbs, was channel surfing when he dropped the remote. It happened when on a channel showing a "The View" marathon. Not being able to retrieve the remote and get away from Whoopie, Joy and the rest of them, Geoff made a panicked 911 call. The fire department, realizing his desperate  situation, rushed to the rescue. Not wanting a repeat of this nightmare, Geoff now has a backup remote handy.  

4) E. Schuyler Nerldorf, our resident person with time to sit around and think up dumb stuff, came up with some in's and on's.You arrived in the car but came on the bus and you were in the front or back of the bus. You flew on the plane but in first class or coach.You were on the train but ate in the dining car. By now you've probably spent enough time on here in reading this.

5) The "Oprah" gave the commencement address to the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. Among her comments were,
"Fight the hysteria that has gripped politics." "Your job is not who you are." "The number one lesson I can offer you where your work is concerned, become so skilled, so vigilant, so flat-out fantastic at what you do that your talent cannot be dismissed." No question Oprah followed her own advice … didn't she?

Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)